Who doesn't?

She put down her glass of green tea latte in front of me, and took my chocolate drink away while she sat down in her chair opposite to mine. I looked at her and I could see the anxiousness in her eyes. 

"Well, " I said, began the conversation, "I don't hate green tea, but I prefer my chocolate back, please," then I giggled. She ignored  my words, exhaled and started talking, "Isn't it nice to have a man who always love you, willing to do anything for your sake; to keep you in his side, and don't wanna let you go? Just like in those movies! Why can't I just be getting all that simple things in my life? I just wanted someone to love me, and afraid of losing me, like I'm the most important thing in his life."

She wasn't crying, but I knew it was just about time. At anytime. I kept looking at her, tried not to give any expressions and responds.

"And, above all, " she started again, "When all the girls in our age are getting married, having kids, raising kids, all those happily ever after kinda thing, and I just getting divorced with my husband. I am already a widow in this very age. Am I embarrassing?"

"You want me to answer that?" I asked.

She rolled her eyes, "Duh, yes. But asking you is a big mistake. You have that kind of life, right?"

I literally laughed when I heard her words. "Oh, sweetheart, come on. You are pretty. Prettier than me, even. Hearing those words came from you was surprising enough, dear," I said, and yes, she was very very pretty. And she married in her young age, just to be divorced six months later. Uh, not really young, but in my case it is too early. Whatever. And now she was here, babbling around of being a widow in our "young age" while the other girls in our age were still in that "happily ever after area", just exactly like what she said before.

She lied down her face on the table, her silky hair fell down beautifully to her face. I had to restrain myself not to curse, because I always looked like a clown every time I happened to be next to her. "Is it that hard to love me?" she mumbled. "Oh, yeah, maybe that's the reason. And I am destined to be like that."

"You should stop that kind of thought, dear."

She tilted her head, her teary eyes pierced on me. "You won't understand, I see. 'Cause you have someone who loooooove you so much."

"For your information, I ditched that someone. In case you are forgotten."

She raised her head rapidly and had her finger pointed out on me. "That! That's even worse! How come you waste other people's love? While here I'm struggling to have that!" she screamed and people on that coffee shop were beginning to look at us. I exhaled, and answered, "I don't want to answer that, really."

"Oooooh! Just pleasing this pretty widow, will you?" she giggled. I shook my head and rolled my eyes.

"You see, isn't it unfair, you to have someone who love you so so so much and you're not happen to fall in love with him. And I.. once loved someone who happened not to love me back."

"Yeah, that's life--"

"Blah blah!" she cut me, and was waving her hands. I stopped talking and we were looking at each other eyes for a while, refused to speak. Gave time for the people in the coffee shop to turn back again to their business, not to ours.

"I am feeling the same like you, you know," I finally answered. "I feel that I am not deserved to be loved, even with the person who says that he loves me so much. People can change in an instant. Like your marriage, one day you are like Cinderella--getting all your dreams come true and zap! Now you are going back to reality. And I still can't afford that, not strong enough to face it."

She looked far away outside the window, her eyes began teary again. I personally hate this kind of talk, but the feeling that we shared was same but we were not in the same boat. She was the princess of the pirate but she chose to leave the pirate and live in the land, while I am the pirate of my boat and kicked out the butt of the prince who might be getting lost in my boat. Or ship. Her decision of getting divorced awakened me of the theory of people can change in an instant. Divorced was way more beyond break-up, it involved two families, and I hated divorce from my deepest heart.

"Can I love someone again? I'm afraid that I will be afraid, to love again, you know," she said, still staring outside the window.

"You will. You can," I answered, diplomatically. 

"So are you, then," she added quickly.

I shook my head. "Will take a long time for me," I argued. She laughed, and screamed in low pitch, "Don't be ridiculous!"

"Whatever," I said, drank up the green tea in front of me. "I just afraid, and nobody will cure me or anything. That's all. And you will be getting over you divorce time, for sure."

 "Yeah.. I guess."





-----

"Can I get my chocolate drink back?"